Oh bla dee

This subject has been on my mind a lot lately. It probably has to do with all the comments I've been getting from the people in my life who care about me....on the subject of relationships.

It pretty much goes like this. "You'll change your mind one day " or "you'll want to get married again when you meet that special someone," or even better "don't worry, you won't be alone forever". And in each case I feel like I have to defend myself. I know I don't, I just want too. It's the same way with my good friend KCK. She does not want to have children. She does not have the strong maternal desire to spawn. Does that make her a bad person? Absolutely not. I commend her for it. But b/c she is fairly newly married, she is asked all the time when she's going to have a baby, and then treated unkindly for her honest answer.

I am not treated unkindly for my honest answer, but I am treated with disbelief. I never intend to marry again. Been there, done that.

I know mine was not good, and it is not something to go off of, but if I have learned anything it's the joy and empowerment of freedom. I LOVE being the king of my own castle. Coming and going as I please. Not having to ask permission to do anything, or even clearing it with the spouse first. I would like to have more children someday, but it will be a family decision made with my children and through adoption. It is something I have wanted to do for a long time, and was never supported by my spouse.

Now that being said, I am not writing off love. That would be silly. BUT I will not ever surrender my independence, freedom, or finances again. If and when I feel confident and healed enough to open my heart up to another, that's all it will be. In the grand scheme of my life, it is my life after all, it is me and only me who will drive this train.